


Hallelujah - To Love A Demon

by AnotherNormalA



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: M/M, Song: Hallelujah, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-25
Updated: 2019-09-25
Packaged: 2020-10-28 01:02:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20769929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnotherNormalA/pseuds/AnotherNormalA
Summary: Aziraphale prays to God in an attempt to come to terms with his Feelings for Crowley.





	Hallelujah - To Love A Demon

_Now I've heard, there was a secret chord_  
_that David played and it pleased the Lord_  
_But you don't really care for music, do you?_

_It goes like this, the fourth, the fifth_  
_The minor falls, the major lifts_  
_The baffled king composing_  
_Hallelujah_

“Well, uhm, I don't really know how to start this, it has been a while. Uhm, sorry about that..”

Aziraphale really didn't know how to do what he was about to do. He had never actually prayed before. He had talked to God, sure, loads of times, but it had been a few thousand years now. And this was different. He didn't actually know how to reach her because that was one thing you didn't do as an angel, you didn't call up the Almighty and went 'Hey, how's it going, what are you up to?'. If She wanted to talk to you, She would contact you, and if you, as an angel, wanted to talk to Her, well, you couldn't. It all went through the Metatron, the voice of God. But he didn't need the Metraton now, they wouldn't be able to help him. He needed reassurance, and the Metraton definitely wasn't good at that.

“I mean, the humans do this all the time, I think there's loads that even pray every night, you know, so it can't be too hard, but then again, I don't even know if you actually listen to them. Sometimes it seems like you do, but maybe that's just life, you know, moving in mysterious ways...”

He stopped himself. He needed to stop rambling and get to the point. But, and there was no other way to say this, he was scared. Scared that God wouldn't respond. Scared that She would and cast him out.

_Your faith was strong but you needed proof_  
_You saw her bathing on the roof_  
_Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you_  
_She tied you to a kitchen chair_  
_She broke your throne and she cut your hair_  
_and from your lips she drew the Hallelujah_

_Hallelujah_

“I just... I want to start this by saying that I have not abandoned you or, you know, given up on being an angel or something like that. I mean, I think all the others may have gotten it a bit wrong, you know, with the smiting and the making fun of humans and all they care about is that stupid war, the Great Plan. But, as angels, isn't it our job to protect and, and guide the humans, help them. Isn't that why I am on this earth? You told us to love them and I do, my Lord, I really, really do. I don't know about the others though.”

He sighed. He was rambling again.

“That's not what I wanted to talk to you about, though.”

He did, a little bit. He wanted to ask the Almighty to maybe knock some sense into the others. Surely they weren't all bad, just a little misguided in what their purpose actually was. Well, that's what he though, anyway. (As a side note, he also kind of wanted to know why this war needed to happen? He knew it was the Great Plan, but the humans didn't actually do anything wrong, they didn't deserve this and what was really the plan anyways? Like yeah, it was ineffable, but if no one knew about it, how were they supposed to know how to make it happen?) But that wasn't actually his main concern or in any way a topic he really wanted to discuss at that moment. After all, could he with a good heart accuse the other angels of any wrong-doing when what he had done was truly much, much worse.

_You say, "I took the Name in vain_  
_I dont even know the Name"_  
_But if I did, well really, what's it to you?_  
_There's a blaze of light in every word_  
_It doesnt matter which you heard_  
_The holy or the broken Hallelujah_

_Hallelujah_

“I... I don't know how to say this, my Lord. I am in love. Like, you know, the kind of love that makes humans do crazy things and that makes them cry and enjoy life and experience it in so many different ways and I.. I get it now.”

He smiled faintly. It was true, he did now understand what humans meant when they talked about love, he understood all of it.

“And I'm sure being in love in itself is not a sin, how could it be, right (although some of the other angels might disagree with me on this one again). Love is, in a way, the meaning of life, I think. Angels don't understand it, really, because angels don't truly live. We exist, yes, and we do our jobs and we can die, of course, by violent means, but we don't really have a life. But I've lived on earth so long, it has changed me. They wouldn't understand if I told them I am in love, none of them, they would think there was something wrong with me. That's why I had to talk with you directly, not through the Metatron, I'm sure you understand.”

He paused. He hoped She understood. If She was actually listening, anyway.

“But it is the person that I love that I think you might have a problem with. I mean, not him personally, just what he represents. No, not him personally. You see, he pretends he is this scary, grumpy, unlovable, unforgivable guy, but underneath it all, he really isn't. He loves them too, you know, the humans, he does. I mean, he does what he has to do, but he never hurts them. He wouldn't.”

He hesitated. He had to just say it now.

“But he is.. he's a demon. He's the demon that has been on this earth with me since the start, Crowley. And I know what you might think, he is responsible for all these terrible things, wars and such, but really the humans did those things all by themselves, he just gets the credit for it. He is merely responsible for minor annoyances at best.”

Aziraphale looked up, half expecting to see the Almighty staring up at him, but all he could see was the dark sky and the stars.

_I did my best, but it wasn't much_  
_I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch_  
_I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you_  
_And even though it all went wrong_  
_I'll stand before the Lord of song_  
_With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah_

_Hallelujah_

“And I really did try to fight it, my Lord, I really did. I mean, in the beginning, I saw him as the enemy, like I was supposed to. The bad demon, responsible for the first sin. But, you know, he talked to me and made jokes and treated me with respect, like it didn't even matter to him that I was on the other side, he was nicer to me than a lot of the angels have been in a long time. Since the very beginning.”

He smiled remembering the first days in the garden, their first conversation.

“But I know that it is still a sin. I'm not supposed to love him and I don't show it, of course, I keep it hidden, he doesn't know. Nobody knows. I could never betray you like that, Lord. But it is getting harder. I've loved him for so long, even though I only came to terms with it after a long time has passed, and we see each other often. I mean, we work together, which, I suppose, we also shouldn't, but you must know, right? You must know everything that's going on on Earth. The other angels don't, and they can't find out, ever, or I'll be cast out, I suppose. We have an agreement, Crowley and I, an arrangement, so to speak, but our relationship is more than that. We are friends, which that alone is is a sin in itself, I guess, but me loving him... that takes it to a whole other level.”

Aziraphale felt all the guilt he usually tried to supress come to the surface, all these feelings of failure and wrong-doing. He felt tears well up in his eyes as he continued to speak.

“And I am sorry, my Lord, for failing you. I have done the one thing an angel is not allowed to do, loved the one person I cannot love. I am a disgrace of an angel and I am sincerely sorry. I just cannot fight it. I am weak, I know, but I hope you forgive me.”

“I hope you forgive me for loving a demon.”


End file.
